Good News AND God's Perfect Timing!

Today I experienced God's promise that His timing is PERFECT!  Let me start by going back a few weeks.  On March 21st, I went for my Egg Retrieval procedure as scheduled.  Everything was going smooth and I was being prepped for the procedure by the nurse and anesthesiologist.  Right before I went back to the operation room, my Doctor came in and said my last blood work came back with some of my levels low so there is a chance the "trigger" shot didn't actually work.  This was something David and I never expected to hear and took us by complete surprise.  Anxiety quickly crept in so David immediately prayed with me and asked God's protection over my body and the procedure.  I went under anesthesia (while talking about what I wanted to eat later that day) and next thing I remember was being awake and lying in the recovery room with David by my side.  I felt okay just had some cramping.  The sweet nurse served a "picnic" on my belly of crackers and water!  My doctor came in a while later and said he had some "not so good news."  He attempted for 25 minutes to retrieve the mature eggs from the follicles, however, they were not yet released.  So, for whatever reason, whether human error or another factor, the trigger shot did not work.  He quickly reassured me that I could trigger again (with another type of medicine) that night and we could come back for another egg retrieval two days later.  I obviously was sad (and cried) but was clinging to the hope that we would have another chance in 2 days!  I went home to recover and enjoyed a lovely home cooked meal by my mom and David!        

Two days later, we went back for an early morning egg retrieval and David and I were both cautiously optimistic.  In these situations, you have NO choice but to cast your fears and worries at the feet of Jesus.  After the procedure, as I was still coming out of my nice little "nap," the two nurses came running in and held up a piece of paper that read "32 eggs!!!!"  David and I were elated!  That is a lot of eggs and my heart was just so happy!  I happily went home, got in bed and took a nap with my heating pad!  I woke up and had my sister and her brother in law visit and then later my other sister, niece, nephew and my mom came over and we had dinner together.  It was a good day filled with hope for our family!    

The next morning, I was woken up by a call from my Doctor.  I knew this would be the update on how many eggs fertilized, matured, etc.  The doctor said that of the 32 eggs, 14 fertilized, which was a big drop but only 5 had matured into embryos.  This was a big shock and disappointment and quite confusing to the Doctor, as he didn't have a solid explanation BUT I was very grateful that five were still developing.  The Doctor then proceeded to tell me that we would need to cancel this round of IVF and not proceed with the fresh transfer because my uterine lining was too thick and it would not be a successful environment for an embryo to stick and grow.  I was devastated.  I was strong while I finished my conversation with the Doctor and then let the tears flow.  I felt like a big, ugly failure.  I was right where Satan wanted me to be.  I called David and decided that since my body was failing me, I didn't need anymore time to recover.  I showered, dressed and got in the car to drive to David and meet him for lunch.  It was so good to see him, hug him and be encouraged by his unfailing love. He loves me so much and I am SO blessed to have him as my partner, as we fight this battle!  We went through Easter weekend and had a wonderful time at Church, dinner and having an Easter Egg hunt with family!

The following Monday, I got the update from my Doctor on how many embryos were developed ready to freeze.  ONE.  One top grade embryo was developed and would be frozen and another embryo that was behind and they weren't sure if it would make it.  We went from 32 eggs to ONE embryo.  It is "the little embryo that could!"  This was yet another disappointment in the roller coaster of IVF and infertility.  The emotional ups and downs are so daunting.  I had a good cry and got myself ready to face the work day.  Don't get me wrong, I am SO SO grateful to God for this one embryo, my child.  I have thanked Him every day since, for the miracle of my sweet little embryo.  During the conversation with the Doctor, I asked if we could do another fresh egg retrieval first and then proceed with the fresh or frozen transfer.  He said absolutely.  IVF is very, very expensive (as you all know) and with the program I chose and paid for, I am allowed two fresh retrievals, so financially this was the best option.  Plus, ideally, I won't have to do another retrieval again (if we get enough embryos this next cycle) and can proceed with building our family in the coming years.  I was put on progesterone to force my cycle to begin and was informed to let my nurse know on Cycle Day 1, at which time I would start the process for the next retrieval.

My cycle began this past Sunday, so I immediately emailed my nurse.  Yesterday, I got the updated protocol from my nurse with all the dates for injections, procedures and also the list of medicines I need.  I was going through the motions of getting everything done and ready to begin these next steps but honestly, I was not feeling hopeful or excited.  It wasn't just the physical toll it takes on your body that had me feeling low, I think it was more being afraid of the outcome, nervous of more bad news and opening yourself up to potential pain.  I talked about this with my husband, mom and sisters...I explained my hesitations and fears.

Okay, NOW we can jump to today and the BEST NEWS that God chose to give to me today, the day that I started my first birth control pill in this second cycle of IVF.  I received a call from the clinic today, while I was working out at the gym, and let the call go to voicemail because I was afraid to answer it and receive more bad news and have a breakdown surrounded by complete strangers.  I listened to the message immediately after and it was my Doctor informing me that one of my embryos that was fighting along MADE it!  I have TWO EMBRYOS!!!!!!!!!!!  They are both top grade embryos!  My heart could burst with happiness, hope and gratefulness.  I had no idea that there was even a chance this embryo was still developing.  I assumed that since I had not heard anything, that the other one didn't make it.  I had no idea that this was still a possibility.  Today was the perfect illustration that God's timing is perfect!  This little Serendipity that He chose to bless me with today was just what I needed to encourage my heart and mind to keep fighting in my journey to become a mom.  Even though I knew God was my strength in my weakest times and I never doubted His faithfulness, I delight in knowing that He met my need today!  As a side note: My mom has always called me her "little Serendipity," her unexpected pleasure.  I was the only one of her four children that wasn't planned.  My mom was scared because she got pregnant with me while my older sister was still very little...she was worried she wouldn't be able to manage.  God knew what she needed, and when, better then she did!  Today, we own a bridal salon and event design company together called "Serendipity Bridal and Events!!"  

This verse in Ecclesiastes immediately came to mind, after the news:
                                   
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end" Ecclesiastes 3:11

I am so thankful that I serve a faithful and loving God that cares for His children.  "Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.  Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."  Psalms 37:3-4  The Lord gave me the desire to be a mother and I know that He will fulfill that desire.  I have to trust when and how He will fulfill that desire, but I do have faith that I will be a mother one day (and hopefully soon)!

I hope this leaves each of you with HOPE!  Hope is what instills confidence.  I pray that each one of us, as we move forward, we hold our heads high and move through our days with confidence of the beautiful women we are!

From Retrieval Day #1

Ready to go!

xo, Jessica