Patience in the Two Week Wait!

This Two Week Wait is not easy...oh my!  One hour I'm giddy with excitement and hope about being pregnant and the next hour, I'm anxious and scared that it might not work this time.  The evening of my transfer I downloaded my first pregnancy app...this was so exciting!  I wanted to begin tracking my pregnancy, which is tricky to do with IVF.  At transfer, the embryo is two weeks into development, it just happens in a petri dish!!  In the pregnancy app (I downloaded Ovia and What to Expect), I entered myself as in the beginning of week 3.  At the end of the two week wait, Beta day, I will be 4 weeks pregnant!  It was/is hard to process that I am actually pregnant...please Lord let me be pregnant!  I don't have bad eating habits, but I have been making a conscious effort to eat lots of fruits, veggies and protein and drink a lot of water.  I don't drink coffee and the hot tea I drink is decaf, but I have paid attention to caffeine as well.  I am taking care of myself as if I were pregnant, because I have to believe I am.

Per my Doctors recommendation, I was able to take several days off work to rest, let my body heal from the retrieval and transfer and to relax during a time when the embryo would be implanting in the uterine wall.  I just keep imagining what is happening inside my body...a new life is forming!  Since I had time, I read a lot through the apps I downloaded, but I also took to Dr. Google.  WHY do I do this to myself???!!  I know I'm not alone...we all do this...right?!  I would lay awake some nights, unable to sleep because of something I read: "Someone said they had cramping and spotting at Day 2 and 3," "Should I be moving around more," "Don't drink anything cold...great, I drank cold water today!," "Should I test early" and the list goes on and I would be wide awake anxious and fretting.  Ultimately, I understand and know that this is completely out of my control, but I do want to do the right things and make good decisions, to create the best environment for my baby to grow and to not hinder my chances of a successful pregnancy.

The symptoms can make me crazy too!  The lack of symptoms make me nervous and scared that the embryo maybe isn't sticking and getting comfy.  Then, the few symptoms I do have- breast tenderness, bloating, fatigue, which are all great early indicators of pregnancy are ALSO side effects of the progesterone that the Doctor prescribes to take after an IVF transfer.  Talk about confusing!  I have taken a lot of time to do things that I enjoy during this time as well...read, watch movies, read, cook, nap, organize, dream and plan for my nursery decor...that has all been wonderful and I am so thankful to have had this time.  I am back to work now and while that is a good distraction, it is hard to concentrate on tasks and focus, knowing what may or may not be happening inside my body!  I am also very emotional and sensitive, which make everyday conversations harder.

Patience and trust during the Two Week Wait is very difficult but it is essential to surviving.  During this time, you are the closest you've ever come to having what you've yearned for and desired for so long...being pregnant and having a baby.  However, the situation can also have the exact opposite outcome.  The only path to peace that I have found on my journey with infertility was within my relationship with God.  I continue to rejoice in hope!  As believers, what do we have if we don't have hope?  That applies to any struggle or unknown we are facing in life, not necessarily infertility.  I am striving for patience in tribulation.  Each day that passes and I worry with my lack of "symptoms," I have to continually cast my cares upon Jesus.  I am constant in prayer during this two weeks.  Praying for the outcome that God desires for David and me and our unborn children and praying that we can handle the news we receive in the coming days.  I have learned and continue to learn so much about myself during this journey.  My prayer is that God will use my pain, hurt, struggle and hope to bless someone someday.

I want to share one of my favorite scriptures with you:

Psalm 121:

I will lift up my eyes to the hills-
From whence cometh my help?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

He will allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore.

Just like the incredible women of the Bible-Sarah, Rachel, Hannah and Elizabeth, some who had to wait longer than I could ever imagine to become a mother, and like me, when you are struggling during the wait in your life, you don't have to walk through the valley alone.  You can fall into the loving and safe arms of Jesus.  When you don't think you can continue on, He will carry you.  My help and hope comes from the Lord!

xo, Jessica